Outrageous Courage. Determined Joy.

A mantra is a sacred utterance that is repeated often to aid in meditation, reflection and for me, encouragement and grit. A decade ago I found myself needing a powerful one. Thirteen years ago today, on December 29, 2006 my first husband, Ken, died. His death was a life-altering tragedy for Sarah, Erik and me. Many people think the first year following a loss is the most challenging. I thought the second year was harder. I became fully aware that he was gone for good and I was a single Mom, and for the most part on my own. Without the endless help of my community- faith, teaching, family, friends… I would have been at a loss. They buoyed me through.

Early in 2009 I was cross country skiing when I found myself missing my bubble of BLISS. I was contented, that is certain, but not really living with vitality. Before, I had always been optimistic and joyful. I delighted in small pleasures and was grateful for larger ones. I prayed to return to my former self. This however is impossible. Erik was a freshman at UofM. Sarah was a senior at Hope College. I was alone most nights. I ate dinner by candle light- the flickering light keeping me company. That’s when God and I hatched a plan. Sitting on a snowy log beside the Cedar River, I argued with him. Eventually, I came up with my mantra:

Outrageous Courage. Determined Joy.

I wrote this mantra with lip stick on the bathroom mirrors, I placed sticky notes on my dash board, kitchen sink, my desk at school, my key chain- everywhere really. It took a few months, but eventually it really began its magic. I slowly began to BELIEVE it. I did have outrageous courage and I do have determined joy. That spring I met Ron. He is now the love of my life. Here we are- six months after we (finally) got married, and I’m in need of my mantra again. This time- you’re ALL with me, it’s our mantra. Please know that I am certain I am not alone. This is now OUR MANTRA because YOU share it with me. The attached video and photos prove this power. Thank you so much for being part of my support group.