BENCHES

Sit with me here, there are many to choose from. On top of the hill- a slow day when legs are aching but the sun shines warm.

Near the playground where Isla and Finn play.

Twirling, sliding, pretending on the train: laughter

Halfway through the four mile route in the commons

Prayers: many prayers- spoken whispered, screamed: God only knows

On top of the sand dunes- arms around my sister, the sound of lapping waves

Sit with me here,there are many to choose from

Dreams begin- Prayers continue

My heart filled with grief over loss, God listens

My heart filled with joy, I have found love again

My heart filled with gratitude over births, God listens

My heart asks God to heal me- He listens still

Sit with me here: He says- there are many to choose from

The swinging backyard bench is an old and familiar friend

Early morning coffee

An iced cold beer and pbj after a long day of garden tending

Cocktails or wine with Ron

Sit with me here, there are many to chose from

Gazing at the blue sky juxtaposed against the leafy green

Admiring a shade garden so tenderly cared for

How each spring our little friends pop up to say:

”Hello again, spring has come and summer awaits”

Watching the foliage change through the seasons

How the copper leaves fall and toss along the stony path

How a blanket of snow transforms it into a magical place

Sit with me here, there are many to choose from.

Bridges

The HIPEC team is meeting this week- tomorrow or Thurday, I’m not sure. PLEASE PRAY that the review goes well and the procedure will be available for me next week.

I have written/journaled a fair amount during this cancer journey. I’ve written thoughts, prayers, poems and short stories. I didn’t want to write or even think about FEAR. Facing FEAR is one of the worst things about my formidable foe. Denial won’t get me very far though. So today I contemplated FEAR. The following thoughts were formulated over several hours. The analogy of bridges came to me: comforted me and put FEAR into perspective. I will be AFRAID from time to time. So will the people I love. This bridge analogy will help- hopefully most of the time.

BRIDGES

I’m AFRAID of future bridges! Who will make sure it’s safe or hold the bridge to steady it? Alas, I already know. I’ll never need to cross a bridge alone.

I’ve crossed so many, built a few...some I’ve lingered on, some have taken my breath away and others have left me stunned.

Faith is a bridge. It supports me even when I cannot see it feel it.

Strong bridges use many triangles. Sarah, Erik and I are a triangular unit. Together we built a core structure that carried a terrible burden. This configuration supported a lot of weight and has carried us a great distance. That triangle still exists, but to God’s glory it is fortified by Ron, Courtney and Mack.

I’ve been on so many tangible and intangible bridges. Relax!

Wisdom from my kindergarten kiddos:

1. People who live in glass houses should never—be naked.

2. You can lead a horse to water but— you can’t kick it in.

3. Don’t cross a bridge until— your mom/dad says it’s okay.

4. Don’t cross a bridge until— you’re sure it’s not broken.

5. Don’t cross a bridge until— you look both ways.

Finally, a quote from C.S. Lewis (one of my favorite children’s authors)

And Aslan said to Lucy, “I will not tell you how long or short the way will be... only that it lies over a river. But do not FEAR, for I am the bridge builder.”

Here’s to happy unknowns

I’m taking inspiration from my niece Cassie’s recent post in this title. Chemo number four is concluded. Today I was surrounded by Valparaiso love. Julie Button was my chemo buddy. My purse is filled with luxury products thanks to Liz Palumbo. I arrived home to a box filled with fresh cut flowers from Liana and Larry Bodtke. Tina Hodges texted me before the sun came up. Thank you my friends- I am humbled and blessed. Julie and I learned a new watercolor technique today and made some stationary. The art therapist was awesome. She came around several times to instruct , assist and talk. She is young and a bit esoteric which we both loved. I noticed a new patient today that looked really stressed out. Her name is Karen and she’s 65. She has ovarian cancer and her treatment is just like min. I gave her some tips and tricks. Her husband wrote everything down. When we were leaving I went to say good bye. He melted into tears- thanking me for the information but mostly for the optimism and extra courage. So, here I go again, testifying about random and happy unknowns! I am so very overwhelmed by love and goodness.

There‘s one more unknown that is looming. I pray that UofM will be reinstated by the FDA to include HIPEC in my cancer surgery treatment on February 6. Please pray with me for this to occur!

Happy unknowns - my days are filled with them/ hope yours are too.